When The Weight Comes Out of Nowhere
- Yvonne Livingston
- Jan 4
- 3 min read
When the Weight Comes Out of Nowhere By: Yvonne Monique Livingston #TalkToMeAndSee #TheArtOfBlackPsychology
Sometimes, emotions arrive unannounced, like an unexpected visitor knocking at the door of your heart. That is where I found myself today—tears forming in my eyes, a heaviness settling in my chest, with no clear reason why. There was no immediate sadness or event to point to, yet here I was, feeling the weight of something that felt almost like grief.
Grief. My Auntie Ladell Johnson once explained it in a way that has stayed with me ever since. She said, “Grief is the absence of love.” And I believe her. When love is lost, even temporarily, it leaves a void—a space that aches, that yearns. Maybe that is why I feel what I feel today.
Practicing Love as Preparation
It is moments like these that remind me why I practice loving myself daily. It is not vanity or indulgence; it is preparation. Love is the armor I wear for the inevitable battles of life. Loss is natural. It is woven into the fabric of existence. We live, we love, and one day, we leave.
I am preparing myself for what occurs naturally: death. Not in a morbid sense, but in a way that acknowledges the truth we all face. Death is a certainty, but how we live—and how we love—makes all the difference.
Equipping the Next Generation
When I feel this way, I often tell my children to prepare themselves, too. I have worked hard to give them the tools they will need to navigate life, even when I am not here. Those tools include lessons, love, and yes, apologies.
I have apologized for the trauma we have endured together—the good, the bad, and the ugly. Parenting is not perfect. None of us comes into this life knowing exactly how to do it. But what I know for sure is that those experiences, no matter how challenging, shaped us. They brought me to where I am now: being used by God.
Grief and Gratitude
As heavy as this feeling is, I would not change a thing about the journey. The pain, the joy, the mistakes—they all played a part in building me into the person I am today. And while grief feels like the absence of love, I have learned it also holds space for gratitude. Gratitude for the memories, the lessons, and the love that once filled that void.
This is why I practice loving myself and others so deeply. Because one day, the physical presence of that love might be gone, but the spirit of it—the lessons, the memories, the impact—remains.
A Call to Reflect
If you are feeling heavy today, take a moment to sit with it. Ask yourself:
What is this heaviness trying to teach me?
How can I pour love into myself right now?
Who in my life needs to feel that love today?
Grief may be a natural part of life, but love is our greatest tool for navigating it. By loving ourselves and those around us, we prepare not just for the inevitabilities of life but for the beauty of it, too.
Final Thoughts
When emotions come out of nowhere, honor them. Feel them. They are reminders of your humanity and your capacity for love. And remember: the love you practice today builds the strength you will need tomorrow.
Comments